Love Need Not Hurt; Walk Away, Choose YOU!
Love should be uplifting, not painful. It’s time to break free from societal expectations and choose your own peace over toxic relationships. Learn why walking away from disrespect, silent treatment, and emotional hurt is the healthiest choice.

Introduction: Love Shouldn’t Feel Like a Hospital Visit
Ah, love – that magical thing that makes your heart flutter, your stomach do backflips, and your wallet empty faster than a credit card during Black Friday sales. But wait a minute, why does it sometimes feel more like a bad case of food poisoning than the sweet serenades of a romantic poem? The feeling of waking up to hurt, silent treatment, and disrespect might sound too familiar, like a recurring stomach bug, but here’s the deal: it’s perfectly OK to choose YOU instead of enduring endless emotional heartburn.
For too long, society has insisted that we must endure the hurt in the name of love. It’s almost as if they handed us a “this is love” manual, written in ancient hieroglyphics, and told us, "When the going gets tough, stay and keep taking it." To them, I say: Nonsense! If love feels like a nonstop cycle of insults, silence, and heartache, it’s time to put down that manual and toss it into the nearest bonfire.
Let’s explore why, in today’s world, you have the right to walk away, defy social expectations, and most importantly, choose you.
The “Cultural Chains” – Who Says You Have to Stay?
Let’s be real here. African cultures, while rich in history and tradition, have certain social expectations when it comes to relationships. You know, the ones where Auntie Gogo tells you, “Don’t let him go, my child. You know how men are. Hang in there, even if he forgets your birthday every year.” Or how your best friend’s mother tells you, “Ah, but you can’t just leave, my child. No one will marry you if you don’t fight for your relationship!”
This is where we need a little rebranding. Relationships are not a warzone, where only the most patient, most tolerant, and most self-sacrificing individual wins the grand prize of “being emotionally drained but still loving.” Love is not meant to be a game of “how much hurt can you take before you break.” Instead, love should feel like care, respect, kindness, and mutual understanding – not mental gymnastics and emotional tug-of-war.
African proverbs are often rich with wisdom, but sometimes they carry outdated ideas, and it's time we update them. Take this one for example: “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Sure, in theory, it’s poetic. But in practice? If all you’re losing is your sanity, your self-worth, and your peace of mind, maybe it’s time to throw that proverb in the trash.
Remember this one instead: “When the hyena is hungry, it knows no loyalty to the lion’s roar.” In other words, if a relationship is continually hurting you, it’s perfectly acceptable to let go and find a healthier path. No loyalty is worth losing yourself.
The Silent Treatment – It's Not “Love”; It’s Psychological Torture
Let’s talk about one of the most insidious tactics of emotional abuse in relationships: the silent treatment. It’s almost like emotional starvation, isn’t it? Your partner goes mute, acting as if you’ve committed a crime just by asking what’s for dinner. You try to make small talk, but they respond with the same enthusiasm as a brick wall. But for some reason, you stay, thinking, “Oh, maybe it’s just a phase.” Wrong.
Let’s be clear: the silent treatment is not a sign of maturity, and it certainly isn’t a symbol of “love”. It’s emotional manipulation. It’s one person choosing to take away your peace and forcing you into a corner. You know, the kind of corner where the only sound is your own heartbeat and the ticking of a clock.
Here’s a personal anecdote from a real-life “Silent Treatment Survivor,” Chipo from Harare, Zimbabwe, who’s kindly agreed to share her story. “I stayed with a guy who would give me the silent treatment whenever we had a disagreement. I would beg him to talk, only to be met with nothing. After a while, I realized: I was begging for scraps of attention from someone who couldn't even offer me a proper conversation. So, one day, I just left. And you know what? The silence stopped being my problem.”
Chipo’s wisdom? Walk away when you’re constantly getting silence instead of communication. You’re not a child to be punished with isolation. Your emotional needs are valid.
Disrespect – The Secret to Reaching Your “Breaking Point”
“Don’t let him disrespect you, my dear,” they always say. But then what happens? You put up with it because society and family pressure you into thinking that if you leave, you’ll be seen as weak or ungrateful. Wrong again!
Disrespect in a relationship doesn’t just mean being called names or having your opinions belittled. It can show up in subtle ways: the partner who forgets your birthday every year, the one who belittles your career aspirations, or the one who constantly invalidates your emotions. Disrespect can be insidious, like a small stone in your shoe that gradually turns into an unbearable ache.
Take this case study of Titi from Lagos, Nigeria. “I was dating a guy who would always tell me I was too ‘loud’ or ‘demanding.’ He criticized me for being too successful. After months of enduring this, I woke up one morning and thought, ‘If my success intimidates you, then you don’t deserve my attention.’ I walked away.”
Titi’s revelation? It’s okay to demand respect. Don’t let anyone tell you to shrink yourself for love. Your dreams, your voice, your being – they are all worthy of respect.
Debunking Common Myths: Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt
Here are a few myths that need busting:
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“Love is supposed to be painful.” – No, it’s not. Love can be challenging, sure, but it should never feel like emotional torture. You can disagree, fight, or be stressed, but there should always be respect and care at the end of the day.
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“You should always sacrifice for love.” – Sacrificing yourself is not heroic; it’s self-sabotage. True love is about mutual growth, not one person constantly giving while the other takes.
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“Leaving means you don’t love enough.” – If you’ve been stuck in a relationship where you feel like you’re constantly being drained, walking away is an act of self-love, not a lack of affection.
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“Love can change a person.” – Oh, how we love to believe this one. Love can change people, but it’s not your job to be the change-agent unless they’ve shown a willingness to change themselves. If they are not ready to change, then you’ll just be stuck being their unpaid emotional therapist. And we all know how that story ends: exhaustion.
The Power of Walking Away
And now, the part we’ve all been waiting for: how to walk away. The first step is realizing that you are not the problem. Next, mentally prepare yourself: this is a goodbye to hurt and disrespect. You don’t need to explain yourself endlessly or apologize for choosing your peace.
And here’s the trick: Be like that African proverb, “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” Sometimes, that bird is YOU. If you’re in a relationship where you’re consistently hurting, you might be better off alone than in a relationship that only offers pain.
Conclusion: Choosing You is Not Selfish, It’s Sensible
As we wrap this up, let’s remember that choosing yourself is not selfish – it’s self-care. You are worthy of respect, love, and peace. You don’t need to play the martyr just to fulfill some misguided cultural expectation. You’re allowed to choose happiness, to walk away from toxic situations, and to be the best version of yourself – with or without the emotional baggage of a relationship.
So, to all the warriors still enduring silent treatments, disrespect, and emotional manipulation: the time has come. Choose YOU. The rest of the world can adjust. After all, there are plenty of fish in the sea – and some of those fish might just treat you better than your current “catch.”
Because, in love, you deserve a partner who lifts you up, not one who leaves you emotionally bruised and battered.
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